20130527-225941[1]

Ghost

I walk the streets by day
To strengthen my broken body
I pace my room at night
To try to think myself right

Once in a while
I get trapped in the past
Stalked by childhood demons
They hold me in their grasp

I am a ghost in the day time
A shadow at night
I want shine for you
But you turn from my sight

Fuelled with coffee and red wine
My flag is unfurled
What would become of me?
Without your love sweet girl

This dialect and imagery
Reminds me of you and I
They fit together so well you see
But they don’t always rhyme

I am a ghost in the day time
A shadow in the night
I want to shine for you
But you turn from my sight

My insecurity
Can wash me out to sea
Strong hands that silence me
Passers-by that never see

Mothers that never hear
Fathers that never ask
Children that never say
Just dread another day

I am a ghost in the day time
A shadow in the night
I want to shine for you
But you turn from my sight

I am a ghost in the day time
A shadow in the night
But all this would fade away
If you just hold me tight

© 2013 by Peter Anstiss

Written as a lyric, ‘Ghost’ is part of the Comeback Kid collection. As a song or a poem I am pleased with the emotion it captures. It is about past and present pain. What happens when those two things collide? It hints at the importance of having a coping mechanism to handle emotional crisis.

Even the strongest people have breaking points, such as painful memories and physical trauma. These can leave skeletons in our lives that have a horrible habit of tumbling from whence we have stuffed them at the most inconvenient time. Sometimes you don’t even know where the emotion comes from. Sometimes you do, but still can’t face it. That’s when you become a ghost! When I’m a ghost I walk, I run, I pace and when I am feeling brave, I confront.

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Comments
  1. sonniq says:

    Before I got to the end with your comment, as a songwriter who has written many songs that no one but a local audience ever heard, and now I only write improvisational piano, I heard music in my head to your words. You are right. These words spark emotion. Personal?

    • petescribes says:

      I was just a fledgling blogger when I posted that and I must confess I had forgotten I had written that piece after the lyric. Thank You for taking the time to delve so far back into my archive. Personal? Now that would be telling 🙂 but words flow better when they come from the heart.
      Do you ever post your lyrics/poems?

      • sonniq says:

        I haven’t posted any lyrics. I never thought to. But now I think I might. There were very few lyrics I wrote that weren’t autobiographical because it is the way we feel that makes us want to write. It’s a way to put that feeling into a tangible form that can be felt over and over, like a memory we can go back and visit again. A lyric came to mind of something I wrote over 30 years ago to a man I loved who couldn’t get his wife out of his mind after she left him for someone else. He has since died.

        When you’re tired of feeling the pain
        of a love that was lost in the end
        You have to decide if it’s worth it to you
        to remember that feeling again

        . . .yes, I should pull out my old lyrics. . . it would be interesting to read of my old life.

        As for reading an old post, at times I take an old post I think a new reader should read, and paste it into a new post and explain it is a repost As I have learned better how to tag and better at SEO, and my reader base is bigger, I often get many more views than I did the first time. It makes the story of Jamie’s life better understood by the reader’s that only read the newest thing but have no history of the beginning.

      • petescribes says:

        I feel like I just got an exclusive. Thanks for sharing that piece of a song. I agree that the best writing is personal and from the heart. I am at the moment wading through an old lyric book. It has certainly stirred memories and it is interesting to see how the younger me tackled similar issues. Thanks for the tip about reposting. My audience has certainly grown as well.

      • sonniq says:

        For the past 40 years i kept a hournal – long before there were computers. About a year ago I read through some of them, reading how my younger me handled problems in life. Reading the maturity level of someone much younger. It was almost embarrassing. So we want to trade wisdom for youth? Only in the morning when i try to get of bed. lol

      • sonniq says:

        If you haven’t yet, about 6posts down on watch and whirl is one titled “Because . . .life changes” I wrote this to my daughter. There is a music file of something I recently recorded but words and music don’t go together. I only ask that you listen to it through headless our a decent speaker system. Tone quality matters. I improvise everything I record. I could never play it again. This music was my pain.

      • petescribes says:

        Some beautiful words and I love your piano playing. Improvisation that sounds liberating and brave. Playing out your pain! I certainly could hear the melancholia. If you hadn’t guessed I find it helpful to write out my pain, but I am very structured about my guitar playing but I think that is mainly because I am not that good and use it as a vehicle for my words.

      • sonniq says:

        Thank you very much. I most like to play in the dark and just let my fingers play and feel for the sound. I don’t usually play it back for a couple days so when I do listen to it I really have no recollection of playing it. I usually record 5 or so pieces at a time, one after the other. I only play notes together once in a while so the notes are separate and then resonate together. Until a couple years ago I didn’t think I had a style I could identify as mine, until I stopped playing other people’s music, or writing things and memorized them. I just wanted to feel it. I always wrote lyrics the same way. i just write them from top to bottom, usually straight through in about 10 minutes. I think that – music especially – you have to let go of the fear. When someone takes lessons, it structures you. A teacher can teach the creativity right out of you. I sometimes blindfold my students – even brand new ones so they can listen to the sound and tell them there are no wrong notes . . . .as I ramble on. Here is another one: http://mynameisjamie.net/2015/04/06/a-person-can-have-more-than-one-mom-his-mother-tells-me/

      • sonniq says:

        http://mynameisjamie.net/2015/02/08/in-prison-who-do-you-have-to-care-about-your-day/

        This was actually the link I wanted to give you. I didn’t realize it until I played it back. The reason for this is because I really was blindfolded. It’s called “Blindfolded pain” This was for Jamie’s pain. The dissonance of the notes is like scratching a wound. I get emotional when writing about him because I can feel his pain of being so alone and in solitary confinement and he has no one but me to keep his head together because his family hasn’t given a rats ass. it hurts his real mother too much that he’s in there to write to him or send even a nickle to help by simple things like soap – or money for the stamps he uses to write letters she never once has answered in 9 years. Since he has no one else I became his mother because he needed someone he write to. Someone he could trust to be there. For the first time a couple months ago he was able to make phone calls. No one in his family registered their phone. So we talked for two weeks – until they found another reason to lock him up again. he’s done over 4 years in solitary so far – mostly in 2 year stints, but this time I don’t think they’ll keep him that long,but he won’t get privileges back again, I don’t think. people come into your life for a reason. he is the father of one of my grandsons – he is 8, born after he went in. I told you in an earlier post – a week or so ago, that I am an old addict. Jamie now is my addiction. I never do anything half-assed. I better go to bed before I wear you out! At least all this writing is on a post that probably isn’t a lot. But you should repost it. It’s very good.

      • petescribes says:

        I look forward to taking a look at your link. A grandson that sounds like something positive from a bad situation 🙂

      • sonniq says:

        It is Jamie’s reason for living..

  2. petescribes says:

    Reblogged this on Pete Scribes and commented:

    I have just crept past two years on WordPress and thought I would repost one of my favourite early offerings to celebrate 🙂

  3. I really like this. I especially like the first stanza, third stanza, and the last. Things that I have thought many of times, but not sure that I could put as eloquently. Well done, sir.

  4. Love the sing songy vibe from the poem and the depth of reflection. Nice write Pete.

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