This week marks a whole year on WordPress. Well as usual I am behind on all my writing projects and falling in and out of love with my work on an almost daily basis. (I am sure I am not alone in this.)
The last seven days however have been very productive for me and as I sit enjoying the fruits of my labours it struck me that I spend a lot of time thinking, writing and rewriting. Why do I do it? Over the years it hasn’t amounted to any financial gain as such. I don’t have hordes of fans waiting for my next work and sometimes I simply hate what I write. I then started to think about my ideas and where they come from. Having quickly plotted the journey of the last thing I wrote to my surprise I found an answer of sorts.
Why do I write? Well here is a blow by blow account of the last thing I wrote. Where it started, how long it took and where it is going and maybe, just may be at the end I will share my answer.
So I am out walking, something I don’t do so often since I took up running, but my knee is sore and I have decided to take a walk instead today. It’s a nice day and after a winter of rain and storms it is good to be walking one of my favourite routes. It has been flooded and inaccessible for a while, but at last things have started to dry out. I am lost in reflective thought when I come across these two trees blocking may path. They have fallen in the recent storms. Of course I have seen fallen trees before, but for me these trees were different. Once they stood tall, proud and so very close, so close that their leaves had surely brushed each other in the wind. They had stood together in rain or shine and they had fallen together. It was clearly possible that one might have caused the demise of the other. So there it was right there in front of me, the inspiration for my first few lines. A relationship without words, two trees, their branches twisted, broken and entwined with each other. Maybe they had only touched when the wind blew a certain direction, but they had known real longevity, they had been something special. (Wow that’s a lot to get from a couple of trees, but that’s the way my mind works.)
If you fall,
Then I’ll fall,
If you break,
I’ll break
Of course now I am no longer thinking about trees, I am striding on towards home and thinking about relationships, endings and powerful emotions that make us slaves, whether we are willing or not. I write what I call burnable lines, words that don’t really capture the tone I am want to set, which is a love that has longevity, endurance and perhaps is a little bit un-requited.
A day passes and a tweet catches my eye ‘To stop time kiss’ and suddenly I have more lines.
We don’t have to be together
I’ll know it
Whether
It’s rain or shine for you
Even if you are his lover
And not mine
Even if I can’t stop time
For you
If you hurt
Then I’ll hurt
If you heal
Then I’ll heal
Even if you love someone else
I’ll do my best
My very best
To do the same
Even if I am a success
It won’t make me
Love you less
Need you less
So there it was; my poem. It had a nice feel, capturing the essence of longing and loving that I was after, but after closer inspection it really didn’t stand up to much scrutiny. In truth it felt more like a song. It is amazing how perception of a piece of writing changes by calling it a song. You get to repeat yourself in a song. A song gets supported by a melody and a good voice. (If the song is lucky.)
So I picked up my guitar and before I knew it I had a tune to compliment my words. After a short protest I roped in my son to play the complicated bits, add polish and help keep me in time. We added the wonders of Mobile phone recording technology into our process and one week on the journey of my words is nearly complete. All that is left to do is share the fruits of my labour and reveal the answer to my question. Why do I write?
Well the answer is simple, because I enjoy it, because I feel I have something to say and because the act of sharing my work requires me to be brave in ways I am not comfortable with, which ultimately is good for me. (I think)
I have posted the song below sung at a pitch that made my wife frown and possibly could make your ears bleed. But I am being brave and have something to say about fallen trees and forever loves.
If you fall
If you fall
Then I’ll fall
If you break
Then I’ll break–If you hurt
Then I’ll hurt
If you heal
Then I’ll heal–We don’t have to be together
I’ll know it
Whether
It’s rain or shine for you–
Even if your his lover
And not mine
Even if I can’t stop time
For you
–
(Repeat Chorus)
–
If you love someone else
I’ll do my best
My very best
To do the same
–
Even if I am a success
It won’t make me
Love you less
Need you less
–
If you fall
Then I’ll fall
For you
Again
© 2014 by Peter Anstiss
Pete Scribes 